On my entrance in IBA I discovered a world that was totally different from the one I knew till then; though a more accurate description of things would be that I didn't know any world before. I didn't just found myself surrounded by this world, being trapped and immersed in this world I had no refugee elsewhere, I simply couldn't avoid it at any cost. My contact with this world was intense and continuing with no end in sight. I had no choice but to embrace it, making myself in it's image was only sane thing to do.
The first thing which I noticed is how unprepared I am to navigate my way in this world. I discovered that all the wisdom which I acquired along the years is of no use here. I acknowledge that the bunch of attitudes, behaviours and habits which I developed in recent years are not suitable for this place. Hence, I suddenly found my self back in the kindergarten of this world and convince myself that for a long time ahead I have to learn like a child.
Accepting my ignorance and ineptitude regarding this new existence, which so clearly overwhelms me, was not easy. I embraced that I am going to make terrible mistakes, I embraced that I would be very vulnerable, I embraced that I would have to bear humility and indignation that comes with being a novice and I also embraced that I might have to take a back seat and have to follow a lead of others, whom thoughts and deeds will guide my path.
None of the decisions I made was easy. I felt like a lost sailor in the midst of chaotic sea. I had no charts and compasses to find my path in this journey. But I was sure about one thing and that is sitting down is no option. I either could rest where I am and witness the world around me collapsing or I have to wander here and there, facing up and downs, fight the devils and monsters with the hope of saving the empire which I build with such an effort from breaking down.
Like a puzzled nomad I decided to wander. However, learning don't come without costs I soon found out that I have to give up, at least, part of my values and principles. Being heavy and cumbersome they undermines my mobility and maneuverability and make myself vulnerable to the predators that hunt this place . Hence, I concluded that 'seeking virtue before wisdom is a fatal mistake'. A mistake which I made. Therefore , I left with virtue which I can't hold and hold no possession over wisdom.
Having no wisdom at my disposal I was incapable of being virtuous and survive. More significantly, it was certainly impossible for me to be virtuous and thrive. What worsen this situation was the recognition on my part that my virtue is holding me back from acquiring wisdom which I so desperately needed.
Thus, I decideded to assume the role of a novice learner and immerse myself into this world free from the chains of virtue and goodness with the hope that one day I master all the tricks of devil and become aware enough of this world then I will returned back to my values and believes with intensity that would be stronger than before .
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